


I'll hold out my hand, I hope you're with me

by gold_rush



Category: GOT7
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Books, Bottom Im Jaebum | JB, Canon Compliant, Communication, Control, Exhaustion, Explicit Consent, Fluff, Group Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Sexual Assault, References to Depression, Rimming, Sex Positive, Soft Mark Tuan, Soft Park Jinyoung (GOT7), Strip Tease, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:28:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27047233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gold_rush/pseuds/gold_rush
Summary: After one breakdown too many, Jaebeom opens up to Jinyoung. He's overwhelmed, he's exhausted, and he's tired of being the leader.Jinyoung will do anything to help his dearest friend - even if that involves sex. For all of them...
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB, Im Jaebum | JB & Mark Tuan, Im Jaebum | JB & Park Jinyoung, Im Jaebum | JB/Everyone, Im Jaebum | JB/Jackson Wang, Im Jaebum | JB/Kim Yugyeom, Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam/Im Jaebum | JB
Comments: 41
Kudos: 127





	1. Icarus

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy my first ever GOT7 fic!
> 
> The first two chapter are all about communication, they're about making sure everyone's on the same page. (There's a bit of angst, a few tears, and lots of kindness.) 
> 
> This is set sometime this year, just pretend they still live in the dorm...

Im Jaebeom has, quite visibly, been on the verge of a breakdown all week. His darker feelings steadily snowballing since his Monday morning meeting with the company, where all of his songs were - once again - dismissed as being incomplete, or not good enough, or not reflective of GOT7's true colour. 

At this point, eight years and two debuts in, Jinyoung is sick of it - of the consistent disregard that the higher-ups have for his leader. There’s nothing constructive about their approach. It’s never the thoughtful feedback that it should be; it’s upsetting, humiliating, and devastating. It leaves Jaebeom in tatters. Every single time, it pulls him apart, makes him cry, blackens his mood. 

More than once, Jaebeom has been discovered by the members, in floods of tears. Only a month ago, Jackson had stumbled upon Jaebeom, their precious leader, muffling his distress with the sleeve of his hoodie. Before that, Yugyeom had found Jaebeom staring out at nothing, as rain soaked through his clothes, frozen and vacant on the roof terrace of their building. It's too much. Jinyoung is tired of it. He has been for a while. Which is why they have all talked about it, openly and honestly. First, without Jaebeom and then with him. Desperate for a workable solution - a salve for the pain. 

They’ve tried to make everything easier for Jaebeom. Tried to draw him out of his spirals, and away from the chaos growing in his head. There have been ice-cream dates with Yugyeom and Bambam. Trips to the animal shelter with Youngjae and Mark. Picnics beside the river with Jackson and Jinyoung. But it’s never quite enough.

In fact, it only seems to make Jaebeom sadder. Upon their return, the leader becomes overly anxious - profoundly worried that he has failed them all and betrayed their efforts by not instantly being happy. Of course, none of them had ever expected that. And it's nobody’s fault. They had only hoped to lighten their leader’s load. But, through their plans, and through their dates, it soon became apparent - they were making everything worse. They weren't releasing enough of Jaebeom’s negative energy, and so his pensive thoughts lingered and festered inside of him. 

It had been entirely unplanned, the first time Jinyoung and Jaebeom kissed. The overwhelmed leader had been crying, his brown eyes ringed with red, his face blotchy and a little swollen, as he sat on his bed with his knees drawn up under his chin. Jinyoung had reached out instinctively, had started tucking Jaebeom's long hair behind his ears. Even then, his beauty radiated. Even steeped in agony, he illuminated Jinyoung's thoughts. 

Seeking human closeness, Jaebeom had pressed his cheek against Jinyoung's lingering palm, had brought his own hand up to hold Jinyoung’s close. And then, very softly, he had pressed his lips against Jinyoung’s long fingers. 

'I'm sorry,' Jaebeom had whispered, his voice heavy with guilt. 'I’m sorry that you have to be the leader sometimes.' 

'Don't be silly,' Jinyoung had replied, swallowing deeply as Jaebeom kissed his fingers again. 'You're always our leader. You always _will be_.' 

'Maybe that's the problem, Nyoungie,' Jaebeom had said then, honestly, his red eyes meeting Jinyoung's focused gaze. ‘Maybe being the leader is too much for me.’

'What do you mean, hyung?' Jinyoung had asked then, shuffling closer to Jaebeom. Desperate to be near him. Suddenly terrified that he was about to lose him altogether. That Jaebeom was about to walk away from it all. From _them_. And, if Jaebeom was really going to leave - to find his own peace, to find his own balance - then how could Jinyoung stop him? How could he deny him that unselfishly, after all the years they had shared? 

'I just need it to stop,' Jaebeom had confessed then, as he pressed a third kiss against Jinyoung's lightly trembling fingers. 'The pressure of everything, it's becoming too much for me.' 

'How can we do that, sweetheart,' Jinyoung had asked then. Trying to keep himself together. Determined to help his dearest friend. 'How can I help you relieve the pressure of what you’re feeling?' 

'Take it all away?' Jaebeom had whispered honestly, his voice filled with uncertainty, like he was afraid of his own truth. 'Just for a while, Nyoungie. Please, just take it all away. I can't breathe like this. I can't see a way out. I’m suffocating. I'm dying, little by little, and it's unbearable.' 

'I'll help you,' Jinyoung had promised, seriously, his eyes fixed and determined. 'Just tell me what to do. How can I take the weight away, hyung?' 

'Take away my control?' Jaebeom had asked then, and he had seemed so vulnerable that Jinyoung had drawn his hand away. He needed to clear his head for a moment. He needed to focus. To understand everything correctly as Jaebeom said, 'Take it _all_.' 

'Hyung, I don't…' Jinyoung had started hesitantly, as he shook his head. 'How? How can I do that without hurting you? How do I take your control?' 

'Sex,' Jaebeom said then, quietly, his eyes focused on his knees. He was embarrassed. Jinyoung could see his cheeks burning. 'Fuck it out of me.' 

'What?!' Jinyoung had gasped then, physically drawing himself away from Jaebeom. _'Fuck it out of you?_ ' 

'I’m sorry,' Jaebeom had stuttered then, feeling the sting of personal rejection. Humiliated, he closed his eyes. Willing himself to vanish as a tear rolled down his cheek. 'Forget it, Nyoungie. That's too much, I know it is. It's okay. Just forget about it. I can-- I can find someone.' 

'Find someone?' Jinyoung had asked quickly, moving closer to Jaebeom again. He put his hand on Jaebeom's leg. 'Who would you find, hyung?' 

Jaebeom shrugged, 'I don't know. This is a big city. I can find someone. Just… don't worry about it. I'll take care of it.' 

'No,' Jinyoung had urged then, tilting Jaebeom's head upwards with his careful fingers. Searching his eyes for understanding. 'Please, don't do that. That's not _safe_ , hyung.' 

'They won't know who I am, it won't come back to the group, I'll make sure of it,' Jaebeom had sniffed then, wiping the back of his hand over his wet cheeks.

'That's not what I'm worried about,' Jinyoung had interjected, with a sad smile. Even then, with his head swimming, Jaebeom had been thinking of the group, had been placing their concerns far above his own. 'I'm worried that someone will hurt you. That a stranger won't see when you've had enough. That they won't understand you or your limits. Please, hyung, just… don't do that.' 

'But sex helps,' Jaebeom had said sadly, shaking his head. His hair falling into his eyes as he silently begged his best friend to understand his perspective. 'It's the only thing that _always_ helps. Please, don't make me feel bad about that being true.' 

'Never,' Jinyoung had replied urgently, raising one of Jaebeom's hands to his lips, leaving a gentle kiss across his knuckles for good measure. 'Never, hyung. I'm not shaming you. You're your own person. Your body is yours. But, please, don't put yourself in such a vulnerable position. Not with a stranger. I'm here. I'm right here, hyung. I can help you. I _will_ help you.' 

'You don't have to do anything,' Jaebeom had assured him then, his eyes wet but refocused. Slowly switching back into leader mode, right before Jinyoung’s eyes. 'I'm not trying to pressure you into caring for me in that way.' 

'Hyung,' Jinyoung had smiled then, a short laugh bursting out of him. 'Don't you know how much I love you?' 

'You love me?' Jaebeom had asked then, in disbelief, his eyebrows raised, as if the notion only existed in his most intimate fantasies. 

'Of course, I do,' Jinyoung had grinned, leaning in to press a soft kiss against Jaebeom's lips. 'Of course, I love you, and I don't think I'm the only one.'

That irreplaceable exchange, those moments of unfiltered honesty, had changed everything. As did the conversations that swiftly followed. Before long, Jinyoung was calling a group meeting. Gathering the members together - their dysfunctional found family. 


	2. Don't Wanna Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pay attention to the tags for this one. A member implies that they were sexually assaulted in the past. It's not detailed, and it's a part of a wider discussion. Be safe.

Jinyoung had done most of the talking. Had tried to explain everything openly and thoroughly on Jaebeom's behalf. In their conversations, hushed and huddled together, Jaebeom had insisted on there being absolutely no secrets between them as a group. 

‘Everyone has to know, and they have to know _everything_ ,’ Jaebeom had maintained, time and time again. ‘I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want them to be upset, or angry, or confused, or worried about me. Even the kids, _especially_ the kids.’

So, Jinyoung had told them everything. Had explained, had urged them to understand. 

Upon hearing Jaebeom's unconventional wishes, Got7 had fallen into a collective, shocked silence. Except for Mark, who had simply said, 'No.' 

Jaebeom had looked up at him so fast his neck had clicked. Then, with wide, confused eyes, he had asked, 'Mark hyung?' 

'I won't be a part of it,' Mark had insisted, pushing himself up out of his seat, so he was standing in front of the sofa. 'I won't 'fuck it out of you', Jaebeom. What's _wrong_ with you?'

'Hyung,' Jinyoung had started defensively, his voice resolute and unwavering.

'No!' Mark had exclaimed loudly, causing Jaebeom and the maknaes to flinch. 'Can you hear yourself, Jinyoung? Can you even hear what you’re asking? Of me? Of these kids? You're telling us to use him like he's a piece of meat. Like he's some cheap whore who's good for nothing but fucking and tossing away!' 

'Hyung!' Jackson had interjected sharply then, reaching out to try and pull Mark back down onto the sofa. The older man shrugged him off easily. 'Sex workers are people too, what are you even saying right now?!' 

'I know that, Jackson!' Mark had spit out, passion permeating his words. 'I know that, and I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for misspeaking. But I don't like this; I don't like the idea of this. I don't want to _humiliate_ someone I respect.'

'Mark hyung,' Youngjae had interjected then, quiet and cautious. 'It's only humiliating for him if someone humiliates him. And I don't think _anyone_ wants to do that. I don't think any of us feels anything but love for him. Don’t you love him too, hyung? Because, if you do, then you should trust him. Trust that he knows himself and his needs. Trust us to take care of him in return.' 

'Of course, I love him! Of course, I love you, Beomie. It's just... you _really_ agree with this, Youngjae?' Mark had asked then, surprised that Youngjae, out of everyone, was so willing to embrace the situation.

'Yes,' Youngjae had said simply, with a stiff nod. 'Because I trust my hyung, and I want to help him feel good.' 

'I trust him,' Mark had offered then, his distress visibly growing. His body filling - and overflowing - with agitated energy. 'I trust him with everything I have. I trust him with my life. I just... I don't want him to get hurt. Sex is… it's so _easy_ to get hurt if everyone's not on the same page. It's too easy to lose control. Especially if you’re not thinking clearly. It doesn’t take much to be pressured into things. To be forced into doing something that you might not want. To feel so _sick_ with yourself afterwards. And I _can’t_ do that _…'_

Silence had settled around them then - the true weight of Mark’s opposition sinking down heavily, into the blackest pits of their stomachs. Jackson had to close his eyes, take a deep breath, and count to ten so that he didn’t leap up and start bouncing off the walls. The sudden urge to do _something_ , almost unbearable. 

'Mark hyung,' Jinyoung had interjected carefully, drawing Mark's attention, his brown eyes soft and wide. 'Has something like that happened to you? Has someone hurt you in that way?'

'I-' Mark had started unevenly, his composure wavering more and more. _Yes_. That’s what his body was saying, loud and clear - through the shake in his hands, the tension in his shoulders, the growing fear in his eyes. 'Jinyoungie… I _can't--_ ' 

'Oh, Yien,' Jackson had whispered from the sofa, his voice soft and full of pain. Just as Bambam had said, 'That happened to me too, hyung. Back in Thailand. When I was younger.' 

Horrified, Mark had turned to Bambam then, a heavy frown twisting his features. He hadn’t known that, none of them had, he had never even suspected that Bam had been hurt in that way. More than ever, Mark wanted to protect him, to protect them all. To keep them safe. 

'I’m sorry,' Jaebeom had said then. Drawing everyone’s attention. 'I'm sorry for making both of you uncomfortable, by asking you for something that you can't give to me. I never meant to stir up bad memories, and I never meant to upset you, or make you worry about me. I'm not expecting anything, not from anyone. It was just an idea, I thought it might work. Now, I see that it won’t. Please, forgive me. I won’t bother you with it again.'

'No, hyung,' Bambam had said firmly. Shaking his head. 'I'm definitely in. I want to help you with this.' 

'Yeah, Bam?' Jinyoung had asked carefully, hopefully, as if he needed to be sure. 'It's okay to opt-out, at any time. No one is under any pressure to agree, or to do anything. Ever.' 

'Jinyoungie, I just… I _really_ can't…' Mark had whispered sadly then, feeling guilty. In an instant, Jaebeom was in front of him, wrapping his arms around his thoughtful hyung. 

'Take a breath,' Jaebeom had said. Holding him close. 'Everything's alright. I support you. I respect your decisions. I hear you loud and clear, hyung.' 

'I'm sorry, Beom-ah,' Mark had said then, as he sagged against his friend's body and let himself cry. 

'Don't be sorry. You don't have to worry,' Jaebeom had reassured him. 'The others will take good care of me when I need it; if they want to, okay?' 

'No,' Mark had mumbled quickly, kissing Jaebeom's cheek. 'No, Beomie.' 

'No?' Jaebeom had asked then, confused but willing to understand. 

'I want to be there too,' Mark had said, only for Jaebeom to shake his head. 

'Hyung, please don't hurt yourself for me,' Jaebeom had insisted. 

Mark sniffed and pulled away from Jaebeom a little. So he could see his face properly.

'I need to make sure,' Mark had explained then, his eyes locked with his leader’s. 'I need to make sure that it's okay. For you. For everyone. For Bam.'

'Hyung,' Bambam had protested from behind them with a groan. 'I'm okay, really.'

'Just let me be there, please?' Mark had asked earnestly, and Jaebeom had nodded. 

'Okay,' Jaebeom had said. 'Thank you, hyung. For always looking after us.' 

'Just…' Mark started before trailing off again. 

'Yes, hyung?' Jaebeom had asked patiently, before entwining his fingers with Mark's. 

'Can we talk about all of this, just you and me - so I can understand your motivations better?' Mark had asked quietly, his cheeks red. 

'Yeah,' Jaebeom had smiled easily, his eyes crinkling up. 'Of course, we can. Whenever you're ready. Bam, you too. Any of you. You can always come and talk to me. About anything.'

It was two months later that it all happened for the first time. When they all, very carefully, took Jaebeom apart and put him back together. Mark watching everything like a hawk from a chair by the wall. He was satisfied that no one had crossed any lines. That everyone was safe. Still, he watched it happen, again and again. Time after time. Until it became as familiar as monitoring their choreography. 


	3. The Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a little longer than I anticipated... and it's a little serious (because no one has a magic dick). We're treating Jaebeom right. 
> 
> If you've left me kudos and/or a comment, thank you so much!

Jinyoung is utterly unsurprised as he watches Mark lead Jaebeom into his bedroom. Their hands entwined, their bodies unhurried. Had he not known what they were doing, Jinyoung would have assumed that they were going to curl up together, like a pair of pampered cats. But, realistically, that's not so far from the truth. 

Jaebeom lets himself be guided; he allows Mark to lay him down on the bed; he lets his hyung fluff up a pillow for his head. It's painfully apparent that Jaebeom is still tangled up in his thinking, floating alone in the darkness that's washing through his head - silently pushing his painful emotions down, smothering them so he can survive for _just a little longer_. Jaebeom may be lying right there, right in front of Mark, but Mark knows his friend is adrift, he knows Jaebeom is a million miles away. And that's okay. 

Now, more than ever, Jaebeom needs kindness; he needs care, he needs unconditional love. So, Mark smiles at him fondly, and he keeps his voice quiet and even as he reaches out to his friend with two careful hands. 

Without any fuss, Mark starts massaging their precious leader's legs, his feet, his arms - as the other members flit around the dorm, getting ready for what everyone knows is about to happen. They're hurrying to cancel their plans for the evening; they’re saving files that need saving, they're silencing their phones. This evening, they're all going to be unreachable. 

'You'll feel better soon,' Mark reassures Jaebeom, as he rubs the knots out of his taut muscles. 'The others will take such good care of you. Won't that be nice?' 

Jaebeom doesn't say anything in return; he doesn't even offer Mark a wordless grunt. But that doesn't put Mark off. He understands, he understands completely. He knows that there are limits, frustrations, and delays to the way Jaebeom can communicate when he's feeling so overwhelmed, so trapped in his thoughts. Mark keeps talking anyway - his voice warm and unforced. It has never been hard to speak to Jaebeom. 

'You've worked so hard this week, Beom-ah,' Mark praises him gently, as his fingers roam across Jaebeom's tired body. 'I'm so proud that you're our leader. Do you know that? I'm _so_ proud. And I adore you for standing up for Youngjae and his songs, even though yours had just been torn to shreds too. Neither of you deserves that. You won't _ever_ deserve that, Jaebeom.'

Jaebeom's gaze shifts to Mark, and Mark offers him a sweet smile. His sharp teeth revealing themselves as he drinks in the sight of their beautiful leader, lying on his bed, dressed in nothing but his boxers and his hoodie. 

'Thank you, hyung,' Jaebeom whispers, his voice thin and a little ragged around the edges. It almost seems like he's half-dazed as he repeats, now in softly accented English, 'Thank you for everything. Thank you so much, Mark.' 

Mark shakes his head easily, lets his eyes focus on his own hands as they move across Jaebeom's warm skin. 'It's okay, Beomie. I know. You don't have to say it. Just relax. I'll take care of you. And I'll take care of you when you're done too, just like I always do. Let it all go, alright? Let it all out, baby. I'll be right there with you. Don't worry about a thing, sweetheart.' 

Jaebeom hums quietly in acknowledgement. His eyes closing as Mark presses against his soft inner thighs. His agile hands never move up, under the fabric of his black boxers. They never do anything but continue his perfectly pressured massage. It feels so good. For both of them, to have such an easy connection. An unforced intimacy. 

'Hey,' Jinyoung says from the open door, as he knocks softly on the door frame. 'Hyungs, whenever you're ready. We'll be in the living room. Take your time. There's no rush.' 

'You hear that?' Mark says softly, smiling down at Jaebeom. 'They're all ready for you. You're pretty popular, huh?' 

Jaebeom opens his eyes and says, still distant, 'I guess I must be.' 

'Are you ready?' Mark asks, checking in with Jaebeom before he helps their leader up off the bed. Tucking his hair behind his ears, his anti brow piercing shining under the ceiling light. He's so beautiful. Subdued. Serene. Calm in a way that he wouldn't be had he no one to turn to for his release. For that alone, Mark is grateful. 

Almost as soon as they get to the living room, Yugyeom is up and in front of them. Taking Jaebeom's hand and tugging their leader into the heart of the room. 

Mark stays back, at the edge of everything. Where he's most comfortable. He smiles warmly when Jaebeom turns around to look at him. He hopes his eyes speak for him: _It’s okay, Beomie_. _I'm right here._

'Hyung,' Yugyeom whispers dramatically, begging for his hyung's attention. He grips Jaebeom's other hand and swings their arms together like he's a child. Like they're both children. Jinyoung laughs, sometimes their youngest really seems so… young. 'You look so _tiny_ in that big hoodie. Ah, you're so cute! Can I fuck you while you're still wearing it, hyung?' 

No one is surprised by their maknae's blunt words. No one is shocked. They're way past pretending. They're way beyond the use of coded language. They're here to help Jaebeom. They're here to fuck him. They're here to love him. And Yugyeom is like a puppy. Eager to please, enthusiastic, and likely to start humping the furniture if he can't express himself. 

'Gyeomie,' Jackson tuts, rolling his eyes as he comes up behind the maknae and puts his hands on his shoulders. 'When did you get so bold, puppy?' 

Yugyeom whines again, feeling his cheeks flush. It makes everyone smile, except for Jaebeom. Teasing Kim Yugyeom is one of their collective joys; an instant serotonin boost. 

'Would you like that, hyung?' Jackson asks simply, his gaze fixed on Jaebeom. 'Would you like Yugyeom to take care of you now?' 

Jaebeom nods, his gaze unwavering. 

Jinyoung had insisted on this. On them asking his permission, always. Not only to safeguard Jaebeom but to ensure that everyone is focused, not too lost in their urges, capable of treating each other appropriately. Able to make judgments and be responsible for their actions and decisions. 

_'Mark was right,'_ Jinyoung had said once, after their initial group meeting. _'One miscommunication and we hurt him. So you ask him, you talk to him, you acquire his consent, and you earn his trust. Every single time. Everything you do, it comes with a question.'_

'Can you get down on your knees for me, hyung?' Yugyeom asks with a knowing grin, letting their leader use him as a counterbalance as he moves. Only pulling their hands apart when Jaebeom's knees hit the soft, fluffy rug that Bambam had bought, precisely for days like this. _'Because it's softer than a blanket and so pretty, just like Jaebeomie hyung._ ' Jinyoung couldn't argue with Bambam's logic. The rug is the exact shade of pink that colours Jaebeom's cheeks whenever they work him up to his release. 

'Can you suck my cock first, hyung?' Yugyeom asks, almost bouncing on the balls of his feet. Jaebeom smiles up at him, through his thick lashes, through his lingering despair. He reaches out for Yugyeom's boxers without any hesitation. He looks desperate. Desperate for relief. Desperate to exorcise the uncomfortable tension in his body. And, more than anything, Yugyeom wants to help him feel free. 

'Yeah, Gyeom,' Jaebeom confirms quietly. 'I can.' 

The maknae shuffles forward, lets Jaebeom expose him, just for a moment, before he leans in and presses his mouth against their maknae's already straining cock. It feels so good. Yugyeom lets out a low whine.

 _'Fuck_ ,' Youngjae whispers from the sofa, his eyes fixed on the two men as their bodies connect. On Jaebeom as he licks, and mouths, and kisses the very tip of Yugyeom's cock. 

Jackson moves to sit beside Youngjae. Without a doubt, they're all gathered for Jaebeom. They won't fuck each other, they won't even get each other off, but they can still tease one another a little. They can still play together. 

Jackson puts his hand on Youngjae's knee, slides it up to his thigh. Leans in closer and says, his voice deep and dangerous, 'Don't take your eyes off them, angel.' 

'Oh, fuck. _Yeah_ , just like that,' Yugyeom moans, as Jaebeom takes him into his mouth. It feels so _hot_ ; it feels so _wet_. It's almost overwhelming, the profound pleasure of it all. 

Yugyeom's not thinking, as he places both of his hands on the back of Jaebeom's head. As he presses him towards his crotch with a persistent, but gentle, pressure. His thoughts of love now flecked with embers of lust. 

Bambam's lip curls up in disgust. He pulls his hand away from his chest, away from the stiff buds of his own nipples. He opens his mouth. His words don't come. Jinyoung sees it too. He intervenes. He has no trouble speaking. 

'Gyeomie, watch your hands,' Jinyoung instructs evenly, pushing his glasses back up over the bridge of his nose. In a way, he's like Mark. Attentive. In control. An authority. The only difference between them is Jinyoung's own willingness to help take Jaebeom apart physically. 

'Sorry, hyung; sorry, Bam,' Yugyeom says earnestly, his deep brown eyes focused on Jaebeom's face. He takes one of his hands away, lets it fall down by his side. A long whine escapes him as Jaebeom edges him down his throat. He could come now. He really could. His dick feels so hard he could use it as an ice pick. 

'Good boy,' Jinyoung says, before looking back over at Bambam - who now seems quite happy to tease his chest again. 

As a rule, they don't use two hands during blowjobs, ever, because of Bambam. Because of his limits, because Jinyoung has enough information and enough common sense to know that someone once held Bambam firm with their two hands, making it impossible for him to pull away, as they forced themselves into his mouth. 

Jaebeom likes it, that kind of force, if it's consensual. It turns him on, the loss of power. Jinyoung knows that. He also knows that Jaebeom loves taking a cock down his throat. That he might even take five before the night is over. But not with two hands on his head. Never with two hands. Jaebeom understands why, even like this, desperate to be stripped of his authority. So, the leader entwines his fingers with Yugyeom's as he swallows him down. Keeps one of his hands away, as he gags, and whines, and drools. He is making sure that their youngest can't upset Bambam by accident. He is protecting both of them, even now. 

'Oh, hyung,' Yugyeom pants unevenly. Bringing his unrestrained hand down to touch Jaebeom's cheek. 'Stop, hyung, or I'll come. It's too good. It feels too good. And I still want to fuck you, if that's okay? _'_

Jaebeom nods, repositioning himself, so he's lying back on the rug, pulling his boxers off, throwing them to the side. The sleeves of his hoodie covering most of his hands. He looks tiny. It's adorable. The maknae feels a thrum of joy rush right through him at the sight. 

_'Cutie_ ,' Yugyeom exclaims, as he sinks onto his knees. 'Look at you, you're so pretty, hyung! Why are you so cute?' 

Jaebeom's cheeks flush at the compliments. He likes to feel pretty. He wants to feel small, too, especially when compared to Yugyeom. 

'Open your legs for me,' the youngest instructs and, in an instant, Jaebeom is pulling his legs apart and opening his thighs. Keeping them spread wide for their youngest. 

He's on display. Exposed. Vulnerable. Ready for the taking. Yugyeom has never felt so blessed, 'God, you're so beautiful. I'm going to fuck you, hyung. I'm going to fuck you so hard you forget _everything_.' 

'Fuck,' Bambam hisses, just as Jaebeom whispers, _'Yes_.' 

Once he's settled between his hyung's legs, Yugyeom leans down to kiss him. His mouth is still warm, still inviting, still like velvet. Yugyeom could get lost in it, but he'd rather get lost somewhere else. 

Before he even starts looking, Jinyoung is beside them, up from his chair, handing Yugyeom a full tube of lubricant. _Strawberries and cream._ Yugyeom smiles at the flavour and shows it to Jaebeom - Jaebeom, who is enraptured by the excitement of his youngest friend. His youngest lover. 

That excitement soon blends into determination, as Yugyeom coats his fingers and presses one of them into his hyung's tense body. 

_'Ohh_ ,' Jaebeom cries, his voice high and coarse. He tilts his head back, raises his hips a little. 

'You okay?' Yugyeom asks, and Jaebeom nods. 

'I need this, I need this, I need this,' Jaebeom starts babbling. His eyes are filling with warm tears. Yugyeom feels dizzy with how much control he has. With the power he holds at that moment. 

'It's okay,' Yugyeom says softly, his finger slipping deeper into his hyung. He adds a second. Maybe a little too early. 'Everything's okay.' 

Jaebeom moans again, his voice verging on desperate, as Yugyeom starts to fuck into him with his fingers. 'Ah, Gyeomie, Gyeomie, _Gyeomie_.' 

'I'm right here, hyung,' Yugyeom says, as a tear rolls down Jaebeom's cheek. It's not unheard of, Jaebeom crying. But it doesn't usually happen so soon. He must have been feeling worse this time. He must have been in so much pain. 

'Please, fuck me. _Just_ _fuck me_ ,' Jaebeom cries sadly, and Yugyeom frowns, his jovial mood now disturbed by his building concern. 'Fuck me. Fuck me. _Fuck me_.'

'I will, hyung,' Yugyeom promises quietly, tenderly. Wiping strands of hair from Jaebeom's face. 'I will don't worry. Just let me prepare you for a little longer, so it feels good for you too.'

'N-no. No, do it _now_ ,' Jaebeom cries. His wet cheeks are shining. Yugyeom has never seen Jaebeom act like this, or talk like this. _Reckless_ . 'Please, Yugyeom-ah, just make it stop. I'm sick of thinking. I'm sick of feeling. Just fuck me, I don't care if it hurts. I don't care. I don't care. I don't _care_. Just fuck me.' 

Jinyoung shifts uncomfortably in his seat; so does Mark. They need to be careful here. Above everything, they need to protect Jaebeom. Above everything, they need to keep him safe. When they had talked alone, Mark had asked Jaebeom to give him that power, the power to overrule him, the ability to make the final call, unchallenged. Jaebeom had agreed readily, recognising the sincerity in his hyung’s expression. _'I will never abuse that privilege.'_ Mark had promised him then, his eyes so serious as he had stroked the back of Jaebeom's hand. _'Only ever to keep you safe and happy.'_

Mark is about to stand up; he’s about to walk over to Jaebeom and stop everything. He's starting to feel nauseous. He looks over at Jinyoung, at his unnervingly heavy frown. 

Jinyoung must sense him watching him; he holds out a single finger for Mark to see, it's a message, it says: _wait_. Mark grimaces and looks back at Jaebeom and Yugyeom. He'll hold on, but only for a little longer. 

'Please, trust me, hyung,' Yugyeom whispers, his face pulled into a toothy smile. Everyone in the room can see his worry. 'I'll make it stop soon. But I don't want to hurt you. Do you remember how much I love you? I love you _very_ much, hyung.' 

'Y-yeah,' Jaebeom says unsteadily, as more tears roll down his cheeks. He wipes his sleeve roughly across his eyes. 'I know, I know, I know, _I know_. I'm so sorry.' 

'Don't be sorry,' Yugyeom says lightly, stroking Jaebeom's thighs. 'Don't be sorry. We just need to be safe. I can't hurt you, hyung, you know that, right?' 

Jaebeom nods, despite his quivering bottom lip. 

'Right. So, let me open you up, just a little longer? Then, I can fuck you, hyung. Like you deserve to be fucked. With love. Can hyung hold on for me?' Yugyeom asks, and Jaebeom nods. Bringing his hands up, his loose fists resting beside his face. 

'Okay,' Jaebeom says, taking a deep breath. And Jinyoung has never felt so relieved. He has never been more confident that doing this together was the right decision, for all of them. 

Jinyoung smiles, as Yugyeom starts opening Jaebeom up again, slowly, until he's satisfied. Until he's sure. Unhurried. Thorough. He is a good lover. And he’s an even better friend. 

Mark finally lets himself breathe. 

'I'm going to fuck you now, hyung, is that okay?' Yugyeom asks, and Jaebeom nods. 

Wasting no words, Yugyeom pushes into him. Jaebeom's mouth falls open, as he's stretched wide. Speared on Yugyeom's thick cock. His breathing is a little strained until the maknae fills him up and a loud moan echoes around the room. 

'Oh, _god_ ,' Jaebeom cries, his pupils huge as he stares up at Yugyeom. 

Yugyeom fucks into him slowly. Until Jaebeom is writhing. Then he pushes his leader's thighs up and starts pounding into him. The rug beneath them shifting across the floor. 

Jaebeom is a mess. A happy, beautiful, fucked out mess. His chest pounding as Yugyeom fucks him stupid. 

His hoodie is bunched up by his bellybutton. His hard cock bouncing around as Yugyeom gives him the fucking of his life. His insides feel like they're on fire, in the best possible way, and his prostate is aching. He's almost begging for mercy. 

Jaebeom takes it, and takes it, and takes it. A blissed-out expression on his face. Then, Yugyeom is coming with a pitchy moan. Thrusting into Jaebeom like his life depends on it.

Behind them, Jackson comes, too. He hasn't even been touched. 

Jaebeom is almost breathless as Yugyeom pulls out of him, as he leans down to kiss him again. Jaebeom's legs are tingling. He sucks on Yugyeom tongue in gratitude. Yugyeom sits on the rug as he comes down from his orgasm. His legs tangled up with Jaebeom's. 

Jinyoung is beside them. Crouched down, a hand on both of their backs. 

'Are you okay?' Jinyoung asks and they both nod. Jaebeom closes his eyes; Jinyoung pulls his hoodie down, smoothing out the fabric. He moves his hand, grabs the back of Yugyeom's neck affectionately. His thumb stroking over the skin there gently. 

'Thank you,' Jinyoung says, on Jaebeom's behalf, and Yugyeom grins at him, his smile wide, his cheeks blotchy from the effort he was putting in.

'Up for more?' Jinyoung asks Jaebeom. 

He nods, still trying to catch his breath, his legs still bent at the knee. When he opens his eyes again, he looks a little lighter somehow. Not by much, but it's evident that there has been some change - a catharsis. 

'Bammie?' Jaebeom asks, reaching out a hand, and Bambam scrambles up. Hurrying to his leader's side. 

  
  
  



	4. Fade Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You don't know how hard it was for me not to type 'skrrt skrrt' somewhere in this chapter.

'Fuck me, Bam?' Jaebeom asks, his voice low and heavy. He draws his bottom lip between his teeth, lets it slip away again. Bambam practically thrusts into the air. No one is judging him. But, even if they were, Bambam wouldn’t care. Not when their leader is asking him to fuck him. Not when his sweet hyung is asking to be pounded by his cock. Bambam takes his boxers off and pings them across the room like an arrow. They hit the wall with a muted thud. Mark groans. 

Like a cat, Bambam prowls around Jaebeom for a moment. Then he kneels beside him and instructs him to roll over, onto his belly. _Turn over, hyung._

The leader does precisely as he's told. Desiring to be obedient. Pliant and amenable. He’s eager to be all the things that Bambam likes him to be; all the things that he needs to be to _let everything go_. 

The others make space for them. Jinyoung returns to his chair. Yugyeom slides back a little, until he's leaning comfortably against the sofa - he rests his cheek on Jackson’s leg. 

'Look at that sexy little butt,' Bambam grins before he lets out a long, low whistle. Jaebeom moans when he feels the flesh of his ass sting. ‘Look at that gorgeous little peach.’

Bambam kisses his own fingers and spanks them against Jaebeom's other cheek. Not hard enough to hurt him, but hard enough to make Jaebeom thrust his hips down against the rug. He's so needy. Concupiscent by nature, fuelled by a profoundly sensuous energy. 

'Good, that's good,' Bambam says, pleased by his leader's response. He shuffles over, between Jaebeom's thighs. Pulls one of his legs up and out to the side - so he has better access to Jaebeom's pretty, pink hole. 

Bambam could eat him up. 

'Do you want me to fuck you, hyung?' Bambam asks, spreading his hyung's ass with his broad palms. Bambam doesn't think he's ever seen something so beautiful. Jaebeom is still gaping a little, because of Yugyeom. Bambam glances over at his best friend - at his flushed cheeks and his heavy eyes.

' _Yes_ ,' Jaebeom whispers, his hole clenching around nothing. 'Yes, please, Bam.'

‘As always, your wish is my command,’ Bambam smiles, leaning down to bite Jaebeom's ass. Making sure he leaves a mark before he pulls away. 

Jaebeom groans and sinks his teeth into the thick fabric of his hoodie. Bambam pulls Jaebeom's cheeks apart again and spits on his hyung's hole. He watches as it slides inside Jaebeom's body. 

'Your hole's so hungry for it, hyung,' Bambam teases, a feline smile fixed on his face. 'Aren’t you a good boy?' 

Jaebeom's hips rock forward at the praise; his arms are up by his head again, his face is turned to the side - in the direction of Jinyoung and Mark. Jaebeom looks at them; his cheeks are bright red. Heat is rolling through him like an untamed fire. He's so turned on; his eyes linger on Jinyoung, then they flick back to the supportive smile that graces Mark's mouth whenever he looks at him. 

'Do you want me to hold you down?' Bambam asks him evenly, lingering over Jaebeom's body, making the older man seem - and feel - so small and vulnerable. 'Yes or no?' 

'Yes,' Jaebeom says readily, as he tries to swallow the saliva that's pooling in his mouth. ' _Yes_.' 

'Do you remember how to stop?' Bambam asks and Jaebeom nods, holding one of his hands up a little. Bambam smiles and presses himself down, against his hyung's back. Careful to keep the pressure away from any areas that may cause him pain. He kisses Jaebeom's hand and entwines their fingers. 

'Squeeze, and I give you space,' Bambam reminds him, waiting for Jaebeom to nod before he reaches down between them and guides his cock straight into Jaebeom. 

The moan that seeps out of their leader is animalistic. Pain and pleasure mingled together to create an irresistible concoction of sex and desire. 

Bambam lets himself sink all the way into Jaebeom's supple body. Then he takes his free hand and applies a gentle, calculated pressure to the side of Jaebeom's face. The entirety of his body weight pressing down onto their leader's back, holding him firm. But it's all for show, a part of the game, one hint of resistance and he's free. 

' _Yes_ ,' Jaebeom moans breathlessly, as Bambam pulls his hips back and slams back into his body. 

'Fuck, hyung,' Bambam whines. Even after Yugyeom, Jaebeom is still so tight around him; the pressure around his cock is driving him wild. 'You're perfect. You're so, so perfect.' 

Jaebeom clenches himself, holds himself taut, keeps his insides tight. Forcing a moan out of his own throat, and Bambam's. 

Bambam lingers like that, pressed in as far as he can be, giving Jaebeom a minute to acclimatise, before he starts fucking Jaebeom like it's his god-given talent. Rough, unrelenting, chaotic. 

The wet squelch of lube fills the air around them, alongside the heady slap of flesh on flesh - Bambam's hips pistoning against the flushed flesh of Jaebeom's ass, again and again. Smacking him raw. 

Everyone in the room feels lust pool in their bellies. 

The pressure of Bambam's body on Jaebeom is constant and unyielding. He won't stop. Not unless he's asked to. So he plunges into Jaebeom, again and again. 

Bambam can feel his hyung shaking, he can feel his hands trembling, entwined with his own, but he can also feel the way Jaebeom is arching his lower back, keeping the angle perfect for punishing his prostate. 

_Good_ , Bambam thinks, kissing his hyungs shoulder. _He's taking what he wants from me._

Bambam only seriously thinks about giving him space when Jaebeom's breath starts coming out of his lungs erratically. When he can't seem to fix the rhythm of it by himself. 

Jaebeom's rugged gasps are beyond carnal, drawing closer to hyperventilation. Bambam halts his movements for a moment; takes his warm palm away from Jaebeom's cheek. Wipes the sweat he finds there on his own side. 

'Hyung, do you need to take a break?' Bambam asks seriously, more than prepared to help his hyung get his breathing sorted out. All Bambam wants from this experience is Jaebeom's satisfaction. All he needs from this is his leader's building pleasure. 

Jaebeom shakes his head. _No_. 

That doesn't seem right, not in Bambam's heart and certainly not in his head. Because, if they keep going like they are, surely the erratic projection of Jaebeom's lungs will only grow more uneven. Until he _really_ can't breathe. Bambam doesn't want that. 

Nobody wants that. 

Bambam's brow furrows as he glances over at Jinyoung, and at Mark a little further away. It _really_ doesn't feel okay. To keep going when his hyung's breathing is so wrong. No matter what Jaebeom says. He's lost in the feeling. His own safety isn't exactly his main priority. But it _is_ Bambam's. 

Mark doesn't hesitate; as soon as their eyes meet, he shakes his head and points upwards, towards the ceiling. Bambam nods, agrees entirely, presses his knees against the pink rug, holds his own body weight. It feels strange, given how long he's been resting on Jaebeom's back. 

Bambam carefully pulls himself out and untangles their hands. Jaebeom whines, still huffing out unbalanced puffs of air, and Bambam rolls him over, so he's lying flat on his back. His face is bright red. 

'Tell me,' Bambam says steadily, despite his heart thudding, and Jaebeom tries to say that he's _fine,_ but the first syllable gets caught in his throat and he coughs. 

'Tell me what’s wrong, hyung. Do you need some air?' Bambam asks, glancing over at the latched window. He'll carry Jaebeom all the way up to the roof if he has to. He'll do whatever it takes. 

Jaebeom shakes his head again, his hair falling across his eyes. Bambam is not comforted by his lack of verbalisation. 

'Do you need a drink of water?' Bambam asks, already reaching out for a bottle. 

'No,' Jaebeom says, finally using his voice. 'I'm just… I'm just a little warm. I'm okay.' 

Bambam lets out a low groan of disbelief. Realising that Jaebeom is probably mere moments away from passing out. He's seen this happen before, in the practice room, he doesn't want to repeat it here. In such an intimate space, in a place that's meant to be impervious to hurt. 

'Up,' Bambam says, grabbing the hem of Jaebeom's hoodie, waiting for him to lift his arms as instructed so that he can pull it over his head and off his body. Once it's off, Bambam balls it up and throws it towards Jinyoung - Jinyoung who tosses him a cool bottle of water in exchange.

Bambam unscrews the top and helps Jaebeom sit up and take a drink. He gulps down almost half of the bottle before he comes up for air. When it's clear that he's done, Bambam takes a drink himself and screws the lid back on - abandoning the bottle somewhere behind him. 

'Do you feel any better?' Bambam asks, placing a hand on Jaebeom's forehead. Jaebeom nods. His breathing is much steadier now. His skin is less flushed. The heat has stopped pouring off him. 

'Good, that's good, but you should have said something, you had me worried,' Bambam confesses, brushing Jaebeom's hair back, out of his eyes. 'I thought my dick had broken you, bro.' 

Jaebeom laughs. Only Bambam. He lets their second youngest play with his hair for a while.

'Can we keep going?' Jaebeom asks eventually, with a soft and unassuming smile. Bambam ponders it. Tries to decide if _he_ wants to. 

'Okay, but I don't want to hold you down anymore, deal?' Bambam asks and Jaebeom nods, agreeing easily. All of that, it's just a bonus, all he needs is Bambam. 

'Sorry, Bam,' the leader says sincerely, as he rolls back onto his belly. 

'No, it's cool, man,' Bambam offers with a warm smile. 'Just be careful. Nobody wants you to get hurt.' 

By the time Bambam is coming, babbling away in Thai about how much he loves Jaebeom, Jaebeom is feeling floaty. Like he's not quite in his body. So much so that he doesn't notice the gap between Bambam stepping away from him and Jinyoung coming in to pat away his sweat with a towel. 

Jinyoung makes it last a little longer than strictly necessary, so Jaebeom can have the break that he won't ask for, or even consider needing. 

When Jaebeom comes back into himself a little, he smiles up at Jinyoung. 

'Are you feeling better?' Jinyoung asks and Jaebeom hums. He is. It's like his negative feelings are muted. Suspended in time. 

'Almost, Nyoungie,' Jaebeom offers quietly.

Jinyoung cups his cheek, nods in understanding, offers him a wide smile as he runs his fingers under Jaebeom's jaw. That perfect, gorgeous jaw that they all mock so often but love so much. 'Good.' 

'C-can I be with you, hyung?' Youngjae asks then, his tone laced with uncertainty, like he's scared of intruding. Even though this moment belongs to all of them equally. 

Jaebeom nods, holding his hand out, waiting for Youngjae to join him, shed his underwear, and lay them both down. 

Scooped up behind Jaebeom, the first thing Youngjae says is, _'I love you_.' 


	5. Find You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling unmotivated but you can have this. 
> 
> If you've left me comments/kudos, thank you!

Jaebeom lets out a lengthy, gratified hum. It feels right, having Youngjae behind him - as the younger man whispers loving words into his ear. It feels good to hear those sweet things and know, without a doubt, that they spill from honest lips. 

Youngjae has always been unwaveringly truthful with Jaebeom - the first to call him out, the first to warn him off, the first to calm him down. In Jaebeom’s opinion, the others are often too kind to him, too forgiving, and too soft. They put up with too much, for far too long, without issuing any consequences. But Youngjae will say it exactly as it is, he will take Jaebeom aside and tell him the harsh truth of the matter, and _then_ he will offer Jaebeom his support and his comfort. 

Jaebeom likes Youngjae’s way of doing things, it keeps him accountable and responsible. Youngjae may be younger, but he’s certainly not afraid of giving his tempestuous hyung an ear full when he needs it. They're almost like real siblings, like true brothers, except real siblings don't do this. They don’t kiss, and fuck, and come together.

Jaebeom closes his eyes; he lets Youngjae nestle against his neck without protest. His skin is soft and smooth. He smells like a bouquet of late-spring flowers. Jaebeom smells like sex. Together, they smell like a stolen afternoon. They lie there, on the dusty-pink rug, revelling in the silent reassurances that the other brings. They’re letting their bodies unwind a little, alongside their cluttered minds.

'I love you,' Youngjae says again, gently; wrapping a sturdy arm around Jaebeom's waist. 'And I wanted to say thank you, hyung, for defending me at the company the other day.' 

'Youngjae,' Jaebeom whines because, of course, he'd defended Youngjae when he'd need to. Youngjae has been working extremely hard on his songs. He's poured his heart into those melodies; he’s etched himself into every single one of those lyrics. Jaebeom knows what that takes, how it feels, what it costs. So, of course, Jaebeom had stood up for Youngjae - not only as his frustrated leader but as his enraged friend, as his livid hyung. 

Jaebeom shakes his head, tries to shake away some of the haze that he feels descending upon him. He needs to be clear - not caught up in the fog - because he needs Youngjae to understand him as he says, 'I'll _always_ support you.' 

'I know that, hyung. I know that. Let me make it up to you?' Youngjae says easily, and Jaebeom shakes his head again, harder this time. He moves a hand up to clutch at Youngjae's forearm. His fingertips are pressing lightly against Youngjae's skin. 

'Please, don't say it like that,' Jaebeom urges, his voice wrenched with raw emotion. He's finding it hard to use so many words. He's not exactly in the right frame of mind to be having such an important conversation. Still, he persists, because he feels like it needs to be said, 'Please, don't make it sound like what we’re doing is a repayment of some debt between us.' 

'No, hyung. That's not what I meant,' Youngjae reassures their leader swiftly, pressing a warm kiss just behind his ear. 'I’m sorry. You know it's not like that, don't you?' 

'I… I do,' Jaebeom smiles warmly, pressing against the beautiful man behind him. Youngjae feels so warm, and familiar, and safe. Jaebeom tries to explain himself more eloquently, 'I just don't want you even to consider it possible - that you could owe me anything for supporting you. I do that freely.' 

'And I do this freely,' Youngjae returns, nipping at Jaebeom's earlobe with his teeth. 'I promise. Okay, hyung?' 

'Okay,' Jaebeom says, as Youngjae kisses the back of his neck. 'Okay.' 

They don't talk much, not beyond Youngjae asking him if he can make love to him. _Let me love you, hyung?_

Jaebeom nods, already feeling the heat pool in his belly. It makes him hard, the thought of Youngjae’s touch. Youngjae is always so intense, so sensual, so close. He never fucks Jaebeom roughly, even if he craves it. And Jaebeom doesn't judge him for that. He doesn't ask for it either, not since he had the first time and Youngjae had said, a little shy, _'But I only know how to make love.'_

'Please,' Jaebeom answers easily, pressing his hips backwards. Youngjae is hard too, Jaebeom can feel his cock pressing against the base of his spine. ‘Love me, Youngjae.’

Youngjae lifts Jaebeom's leg a little, so he can push into his hyung from behind. So he can sink in and fill him up with his thick cock. Jaebeom's eyes are wide, his mouth opening into a sizable ‘O’ as Youngjae slowly penetrates him. It aches so deliciously. 

Out of all of them, Youngjae's cock might be Jaebeom's favourite. It always seems to fit inside of him perfectly. Like it was made specifically for taking Jaebeom apart. Like Jaebeom's own body was created to be shown this kind of affection; shaped to experience this kind of touch.

As always, Youngjae fucks him slowly, deeply, and achingly. Their bodies rocking together so softly that it's almost soothing. _A lusty lullaby? A calm coupling? A piece of heaven found within rather than without?_ Jaebeom smiles. It sounds so mushy, and maybe a little foolish, but he feels at home like this. And not just with Youngjae, with all of them. 

As he gets lost in the rhythm that Youngjae creates for them, Jaebeom's eyes begin to fill with tears. Youngjae reaches around and starts caressing his cock; traces his fingers up and down his length, tugs at the base, teases the head.

Jaebeom starts to cry. His prostate is being found and abandoned so routinely that Jaebeom feels like he's losing his mind. That constant press of pleasure; that steady warmth; that unyielding presence of another soul entwined with his. He’s not sure how much he believes in the concept of destiny, but Jaebeom believes in this.

Youngjae was right, all those months ago. He _does_ make love. He makes love to Jaebeom like they're both caught in a dream. His warm breath ghosting against Jaebeom's neck, making the most delicate hairs stand on end. Sparks of electricity racing just below his skin. 

When a deep breath mingles with a sob in his throat, and comes out like a wail, Jaebeom clamps a hand over his mouth. He feels embarrassed; his cheeks are burning with shame. Now that he’s less caught up in his head, his bashfulness is blossoming.

Youngjae tuts, not unkindly, as he peels Jaebeom's hand away and says, 'It's okay, hyung. Just let it all out.' 

So, he does. And he starts to cry - to _really_ cry - as Youngjae takes care of him. Jaebeom can feel the tears running across the bridge of his nose, slipping down the curve of his cheek. But he can feel Youngjae too - keeping him close, and balanced, and grounded. 

When Jaebeom looks up, he notices that there are tears shining in Jinyoung's eyes. Even through his own blurred vision, he sees that. Or he senses it. He’s been able to sense Jinyoung’s feelings for a long time. But he _does_ see the grip that the other man has on his own legs. And he registers the puff of Jinyoung’s cheeks as he lets out a long, steadying breath. Jaebeom offers him a watery smile. Jinyoung smiles back - wiping away a tear, as it rolls down his cheek from beneath his glasses. 

Jaebeom watches Mark move towards Jinyoung, as Youngjae presses into him again and stimulates his prostate. He lets out a deep moan of pleasure. _Is sex supposed to feel this good?_

Mark, ever-loving and ever-kind, crouches down beside Jinyoung and tries to ascertain that he's okay, 'Jinyoungie, is everything alright?' 

'Y-yeah,' Jinyoung says, taking another calculated breath. 'Yeah, hyung. I'm just happy… and maybe a little overwhelmed?' 

'Okay, that’s okay,' Mark says quietly, holding onto Jinyoung's calf, physically connecting them both, to make sure that Jinyoung knows that he's not alone. 'If you need to take a minute outside, that's alright. Everyone is safe and happy. It's okay if you need a break, Nyoungie.'

'Thank you, hyung,' Jinyoung says, and Mark pats his leg before he stands. Then, he leans down and plants a lingering kiss in Jinyoung’s hair. 

Jaebeom is still crying. He cries until his tears are all gone. Until there’s nothing left to cry. And, then, he begins to breathe more freely, as Youngjae teases his cock with his fingers. He'll be okay. He _will_. He'll be just fine. Now that the negative energy that has been swirling within him like a tornado is subsiding. The most dangerous part of the storm passing.

Youngjae starts to increase his pace, just a little, but it's enough that Jaebeom knows he's close. It's a sure sign that he's reaching his climax. 

'I'm gonna come, hyung,' Youngjae confirms in a shaky breath and Jaebeom nods, clenching his insides as Youngjae presses into him again. 

'Shit,' Youngjae hisses, pressing his mouth against Jaebeom's neck as he comes. The tip of his tongue licking at his hyung's sweat-damp skin as he empties himself. Youngjae holds Jaebeom in his arms. Their bodies still connected. He’s not going anywhere. They can stay like this for a while. What is the point of anything, if Jaebeom can’t indulge in something so pure?

'Thank you,' Jaebeom says readily, as he lets Youngjae cuddle him and kiss his body. 'Thank you, Youngjae.' 

'I love you, Jaebeomie-hyung,' Youngjae says again. Still honest. Jaebeom nods, hums, pulls Youngjae's arms tighter around his body as he says, 'I love you too, baby.' 

When Youngjae does eventually move away, Jaebeom feels unburdened. It’s like he's been renewed. Reborn, somehow. He lies still on the rug, spread like a starfish. Taking deep, vibrating breaths as he gets lost in the design of the ceiling light. 

'Wanna play with me, hyung?' Jackson asks from the sofa, cutting through his unfocused daydreaming. Jaebeom nods. He does. He does want that.

'Yeah, come and keep me company,' Jaebeom says with a smile, and Jackson is there in a flash. Down on his knees. His mouth all over Jaebeom. It feels good, really good. Jaebeom pulls him down into a heated kiss; sweeps his tongue across the roof of Jackson’s mouth. Jackson, never one to be outdone, pulls away and grins before he swoops back in. Ravaging his leader’s mouth with his well-trained tongue.


	6. Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this one! It's fun to write about Jaebeom slowly coming back into himself, and he's gaining more control of the narrative, too. 
> 
> As always, thank you SO MUCH for your comments and kudos! They really help with my motivation.

‘Is Wang your favourite flavour?' Jackson asks, his deep voice filled with so much mock seriousness that Jaebeom groans. Jackson is so embarrassing. And weird. And perfect. And _theirs_. He's all theirs. It makes Jaebeom want to scream; he can feel his affection for Jackson swelling in his chest. His heart is so full with it; it’s like he’s over-stuffed with love. 

'You don't have to say it, hyung,' Jackson offers flirtatiously. 'I know it's true. I know you can't get enough of _this_. Of me.' 

Jaebeom smiles as he pushes Jackson backwards. He laughs as he pushes him down, until he's lying flat on his back. 

Jackson combs his fingers through the rug and hums to himself. He's always been so tactile, so inclined to touch. In all the years Jaebeom has known him, that has never changed. The leader watches devotedly, as Jackson rolls his body against the soft fibres and lets out a content sigh. 

Jaebeom makes the most of the opportunity, of the unexpected distraction. Crawling forward, he straddles his friend’s narrow hips. Jackson grins up at him, runs his warm hands all over his leader’s muscular thighs. All those hours of dancing have certainly paid off.

'Are you giving me an easy day, hyung?' Jackson asks, his voice light and full of building mischief. Jaebeom could look at him all day. He could watch Jackson’s thoughts come and go for hours. He could get completely lost in his beautiful way of living and loving. In the unmasked veraciousness of it.

‘Yeah, it looks like I am,’ Jaebeom nods, reaching down and resting his hands on Jackson’s perfectly toned stomach. Jackson has been going to the gym a lot lately. As a result, he has developed an aesthetically beautiful body - taut, firm, but still soft in all the right places. Yet, Jaebeom knows that none of that even comes close to the sacred beauty of Jackson’s heart. It’s all meaningless compared to his carefully constructed inner-world. Jaebeom's probably being too mushy again, and overly sentimental, but he’s far from ashamed of those feelings. He hasn’t been ashamed in that way for a very long time, not since he met Jinyoung all those years ago. Not since Jinyoung had held his hand in their dorm and told him to stop hiding behind the mould that society had forced him into. _I know you’re more than what other people expect you to be._

Unaware of Jaebeom’s sugar-sweet thoughts, Jackson reaches up and playfully flicks his hyung's nipples. Jaebeom hisses as he’s forced out of his own head. The sweet rush of pain coursing through him. 

Jackson laughs and says, like he’s the most seductive person in the world, 'Are you gonna ride me all the way to Hong Kong, leader-nim?'

' _Oh my god_ ,' Yugyeom groans from the sofa, a disgusted scowl twisting his features. He looks like he's been forced to eat a box of bitter lemons; like he’s about to start spitting lemon pips all over their living room floor. 'Hyung, how do you learn phrases like _that_ , but you still can't go to the doctors without one of us to translate for you?'

'I start by learning the necessities of every language,' Jackson defends himself, but his gaze is fixed firmly on Jaebeom who is smiling so brightly above him. Because, of course, Jackson knows a euphemism for giving someone the most incredible orgasm of their life. _Of course, he does_. Jaebeom shouldn’t even be surprised. One of the first things Jackson had wanted Jinyoung to teach him was the phrase, _your clothes look amazing, baby, but they’d look even better on my bedroom floor._ Back then, Jackson had barely mastered, _hello, it’s nice to meet you_.

'Oh, do you?' Jaebeom asks coyly, playing along. Jackson raises an eyebrow in anticipation. He likes playing this game with Jaebeom. He’s glad that he’s with him now, when he’s thinking more clearly, when things are a little less heavy. 

A fraction less tension - in his mind and in his body - goes a very long way. For instance, had Jackson been with Jaebeom at the start of the evening, he would _never_ have heard him ask, ‘Do you have a talented tongue, Seun-ah?’ 

'I don’t know,’ Jackson teases audaciously, his tongue peeking out to wet his lips. ‘Why don't you sit on my face and find out for yourself?' 

'What? _Really_?' Jaebeom asks, startled by such an unexpected answer. His eyes are like saucers as he stares at the man below him. Bambam lets out a low whistle of approval as Jackson shrugs, like it’s nothing. Like they're talking about the weather, or the groceries they need to buy, or whose turn it is to wash the dishes. 

'If you want to, I'm always happy to eat a hyung out,' Jackson offers calmly. Mark moans in despair. Jaebeom would love to turn around and see the look on his hyung's face, but he can't take his eyes off Jackson. Not now. Now, Jackson has him mesmerised.

' _Stop_ ,' Jinyoung cries out desperately, before he throws an empty water bottle at Jackson’s face. He misses completely; it bounces off Jackson’s chest. They all watch it hit the floor in silence. 

'Wow, do you treat all your hyungs like this, Jinyoungie? Maybe you should take a leaf out of my book and get that tongue of yours flexin’,'' Jackson says too seriously to be serious, and Jinyoung looks around himself for something else to throw. 

'Hey, Seun-ah?' Jaebeom asks evenly, amused by the younger man’s scattered energies. He strokes a palm down the centre of Jackson’s perfectly built chest and waits for his gaze to fall upon him again. 'Can we really try that?' 

‘I guess, but I’d only want to do something like that with you, hyung,' Jackson says sincerely, patting his own chest to encourage Jaebeom to shuffle closer. He does. 

With anticipation blossoming in his belly, Jaebeom keeps moving forward, until his cock is almost on Jackson's chin. Only _then_ does Jaebeom start second-guessing himself. It seems like it’s too much. Like he’s asking for too much from Jackson, and moving too fast, and not thinking about it properly. Jaebeom frowns. He’d never forgive himself if he inadvertently pressured Jackson into doing something.

'We don't have to,' Jackson reassures him with a soft smile, his hands moving up to hold Jaebeom’s tiny waist. ‘Nobody has to do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable, or uncertain, right?’

Jaebeom nods. Those _are_ the rules, exactly as they should be. No one is obliged, expected, or manipulated into doing anything. Everyone in the room can walk away or stop anything - even if they’re not actively participating. All of them have a voice that will be _heard_ , and understood, and respected. 

'You don’t have to do anything either,' Jaebeom reminds him. ‘A joke can just be a joke, Jackson. It doesn’t have to become a reality.’

'I know, hyung,' Jackson grins easily. 'But I'm a giver, and I love giving to _you_ especially.' 

'Okay,' Jaebeom says after a short pause, he’s trusting Jackson with everything.

Jaebeom careful manoeuvres himself, turns away from Jackson, so he’s almost crouched over his face. 'Tap my leg if you hate it? Promise me, Seun-ah.' 

‘I promise,’ Jackson agrees easily, before he adds, 'Let me know if I need to do, or change, something? Or if you feel uncomfortable?' 

‘I will,’ Jaebeom nods. He can do that. If Jackson can eat him out, Jaebeom can do the bare minimum in return.

Jaebeom lets Jackson guide his body down. He feels his nose first. Then he shifts back a little and feels Jackson’s warm breath ghost over his hole. His hips thrust forward as desire heats his belly. At this point, he knows his entrance must look puffy and used, bright pink from the friction. But Jaebeom can't tell any of that from how he feels. He just feels _good_ , and a little nervous. But he's not afraid. 

When nothing seems to happen, Jaebeom starts wondering if Jackson has had a change of heart. He's about to move away, he’s about to ask Jackson if he's feeling okay - or if he’s anxious, or scared, or even disgusted - but then he feels it, the thick width of Jackson's tongue dragging across his rim. The pressure of it drives Jaebeom wild. The very tip of Jackson's tongue nudging inside of him before he puts his tongue back in his mouth and starts again with his slow, broad strokes. 

It's incredible. It’s so good it gives Jaebeom goosebumps. He's never experienced _this_ before - the sensation, the burning lust, the smouldering desire. Jaebeom considers himself experienced, open-minded, and playful in the bedroom. He’s up for anything with the right person, or with the right people. But none of his lovers have _ever_ done this. _This_ belongs to Jackson alone. 

Aside from the sensation, Jaebeom loves the way Jackson is shifting his hips for him, practically rubbing him against his mouth. Steady, rhythmic, tantalising. Jackson is controlling everything - the pace, the pressure, the depth. It’s perfect. All Jaebeom has to do is feel it.

Jackson pulls him down, a little closer to his face. Then he’s prodding at Jaebeom’s rim, again and again, moving his thick tongue without pause. As Jaebeom grows more relaxed, he can feel his body starting to open itself up more. He's so turned on he wants to scream. Instead, he lets out a torrent of rugged moans. 

It's amazing how different it feels, how the sensation makes his stomach twitch and his balls spasm. Jaebeom’s dick is leaking precum, the tip of it shiny against his stomach as Jackson continues to eat him out. 

Without thinking, Jaebeom reaches under himself, slips two of his fingers into himself and pulls them apart. So, he gapes a little wider. So, Jackson can sink his writhing, talented tongue into his ass and tease his insides. The deeper he feels it, the wilder Jaebeom’s moans become. He sounds like an animal, like a primitive creature beyond the use of words. It’s like all he's supposed to do with his life is fuck, and whine, and come. 

They can't last in the position they’re in; it’s a little uncomfortable. It puts too much strain on Jaebeom's lower back as he tries to balance himself - constantly teetering between keeping himself close to Jackson and not suffocating one of his dearest friends with his ass. But it's _more than worth it_ while it lasts. While Jaebeom is being brought closer and closer to the edge. His fingers turning white against the warm flesh of Jackson's stomach. 

'Seun-ah, I'm gonna come,' Jaebeom whines desperately, tipping his head back. Bambam moans from the sofa, as he touches himself and watches the scene play out before him. The number of orgasms this will bring him in the future is unknowable, but the way it’s already searing itself into his mind alludes to many, _many_ spectacular conclusions.

Jackson taps his fingers against Jaebeom’s thigh and the leader pulls away. He moves down Jackson's body until he's crouched over his legs. He takes a moment to catch his breath. When Jackson looks up, he sees his saliva shining all over his hyung’s hole. He has to look away, before he comes on the spot. And he _can't_ come, not yet. He's not even _close_ to being done. 

Jaebeom repositions himself, so he’s kneeling beside Jackson. The rapper's mouth looks like it’s been stained with red wine, his lips are plump, as if he's been kissing for hours. 

'Don't come yet,' Jackson says, wiping a hand across his own spit wet chin. He's a mess, but it was worth it. He'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Honestly, he’d been a little unsure at first. He'd made the offer without thinking it through. But he’d also known that he was more than safe with Jaebeom as his partner. 'Ride me first, hyung?' 

'Okay,' Jaebeom agrees easily, returning to his previous position on Jackson's stomach. He rolls his hips backwards - taking both himself and his friend by surprise as Jackson’s cock presses into him. Jackson hisses at the sudden sensation, his eyes wide, as he lies there in awe. 

' _Please_ ,' Jackson whispers, his unsteady voice garnering Jaebeom's undivided attention. 'Use me until you come, hyung. My body is yours. It’s all yours.' 

'Seun-ah, your body belongs to you,' Jaebeom smiles softly, looking down at Jackson affectionately. ‘And only to you, okay?’

Jackson nods his head frantically, and Jaebeom grinds his hips down. Reaching out, he takes Jackson's hand in his own, draws it up to his face, and rubs his cheek against it slowly. 'Hyung will take care of you, okay, baby?' 

Jackson nods again, his lower lip trapped between his teeth as Jaebeom fucks himself on his cock. They're not fast and messy. Neither of them has the force and vigour of Yugyeom or Bambam. But they're not slow and sultry either. They don't individually possess the languid and soothing power of Youngjae. They exist at a happy medium - where Jackson's mind is racing and running, but Jaebeom's hips are constant, and perfect, and glorious. 

Jaebeom's body is soft and so warm as he builds their pleasure. It’s like he's some night-dwelling sex demon, dragging an orgasm from Jackson as he lies in repose. 

Jackson has never felt so beloved. So precious. Even if he doesn't get to come, Jaebeom will. Jaebeom will use his body to satisfy his own. Except, as he considers that, the term ‘use’ seems too crude and too unkind. Jaebeom has never been those things. He is safe, and gentle, and giving. Until the moment Jackson leaves this earth, that’s what Jaebeom will be to him.

Truthfully, Jackson can't think of anything sexier than the situation he finds himself in. Except, maybe, everything that's currently happening, happening again in the future. Jackson will always be available for this, and for Jaebeom, no matter what. He's more than happy to lie back and think of nothing but pleasure as Jaebeom moans and whimpers above him, his hyung's body arching and twitching as he's pushing himself down again and again. Their hips _slapping, slapping, slapping._

'Oh, _fuck_ ,' Jaebeom moans, as his hips start to lose their rhythm. He's so close. He's unbelievably close to giving in to the feeling. 

'Come on, hyung,' Jackson says, his chest rising and falling, his hands back on Jaebeom's thighs. ' _Come all over me_.' 

Jaebeom lets out a needy whine, as he bounces on Jackson's cock. As he chases his orgasm.

'Come on, baby,' Jackson continues, thrusting his hips upwards. 'Cover me in your come.'

Jaebeom's movements stutter and he starts slamming his hips down. His actions growing rough and impatient, until his head falls back and he lets out a long, low, moan. 

' _Seun-ah_ ,' Jaebeom gasps, near breathless, as he shoots his come all over Jackson's stomach. 

As soon as it touches his skin, Jackson is coming too. Jaebeom sees him through it. Keeps some kind of rhythm for him, until Jackson lets out an enormous sigh of satisfaction and reaches out for Jaebeom's hand. 

'Thank you,' Jaebeom says as their fingers entwine. ‘You mean the world to me, Jackson.’ 

‘I love you, too, hyung,’ Jackson whispers, with a tired smile, as he squeezes his hyungs hand. 

Jaebeom slides himself off Jackson's cock, moving so he can lie on the rug beside him. 

'Are you worn out?' Jackson asks, and Jaebeom hums. He _is_ a little tired. And he's still feeling a little floaty. 

'That's good,' Jinyoung interjects softly, offering them both a smile. 'That means we've helped you in some way.' 

'You've helped me hugely, don’t underestimate how much you’ve done for me, all of you,' Jaebeom says honestly, and Jinyoung smiles at his kindness. 

With a little effort, Jaebeom sits himself up, his legs folded neatly under himself. Then he says, without a speck of hesitation, 'You can fuck me too, Nyoungie, if you want to?' 

'Yeah?' Jinyoung asks without making any assumptions. 'Are you sure?' 

'Yeah, I’m sure,' Jaebeom smiles. 'Besides, no one's even touched you tonight.' 

'You know that doesn't matter to me, don’t you?' Jinyoung insists, still in his chair. 'I'm just happy if you're happy; I'm satisfied if you're satisfied. I'm a big boy; I can take care of myself.'

'I know you can,' Jaebeom agrees. 'But don't I feel better than your hand?' 

'Of course, you do,' Jinyoung laughs. 'But are you sure you don't want to go and have your bath? Mark can take you; he can get you nice and comfy for the night.' 

'No,' Jaebeom says quickly. He tucks his hair behind his ear. Jinyoung's heart almost bursts. Jaebeom only does that when he's happy. Genuinely happy. Jinyoung wants _so much_ for Jaebeom to be happy. 'I want to be with you first, Nyongie.'

'Okay, sweetheart,' Jinyoung says. 'Do you want to be in control of what happens between us?' 

'No,' Jaebeom says easily. It's harder for him to surrender to the feeling the clearer his head becomes, Jinyoung is very aware of that. He doesn't mind what role he plays. 

'You're sure?' Jinyoung asks again, just to be certain. 

'I'm _very_ sure, Nyoungie,' Jaebeom smiles and Jinyoung moves across the room towards him. 

'Just let me know if you have a change of heart, or if you're too tired to keep going,' Jinyoung says, as he draws ever closer. 

Jackson pulls Jaebeom up off the floor and nudges him forward with an excited smile. Their leader almost tumbles into Jinyoung's arms, but Jinyoung catches him without any difficulty. 

Jinyoung holds Jaebeom close, kisses his temple, and says, 'I think I need to get out of these clothes. Can I strip for you, hyung?'


	7. Tomorrow, Today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here! The final chapter of my first ever GOT7 fic. <3
> 
> Thank you for reading this far, and for supporting me with kudos and comments!

If Jinyoung had a brand, Jaebeom thinks it would be: super sexy librarian. For a long time, Jinyoung has been wandering around in their lives, dressed like he’s a master at indexing books and issuing late fines. And, worst of all, he doesn't seem to understand the power he holds, especially over his closest friend.

Jaebeom loves reading, he always has, and anyone who pays him even the slightest attention knows that. He loves books, he loves the scent, and he loves the weight. He finds comfort in bookshops and loses himself for _hours_ in libraries. Time melts away, alongside his deepest worries, as he explores, touches, and dreams of other worlds. 

So, Jinyoung existing like he does - like he's waiting for Jaebeom to pick up a book and bring it over to him - is incredibly sexy. And, yes, maybe that's a little niche. Perhaps it's a little _too_ specific to be entirely regular, but it makes Jaebeom’s skin feel hot, it makes his mouth go dry. _It makes the soles of his feet tingle._

Now, today, after Jaebeom has taken the cocks of four of their dearest friends into his body, Jinyoung is offering to _strip for him_ , and it's almost too much. Especially when he's wearing his glasses; his pristine, white shirt rolled up to the crook of his elbows. It’s a personal fantasy that Jaebeom hasn't fully realised; it’s a wet dream brought to life. 

Jinyoung tilts his head and the leader swallows. Jaebeom doesn't know why he's hyper-fixating on this right now - now of all times - but he guesses he can't help it. His brain has found something he likes, something he wants, and it's not being shy about it. Then again, shyness left them all a very long time ago. 

Jaebeom glances over at the chair Jinyoung has abandoned. He takes in the thick, beautiful cardigan that the vocalist has draped over it neatly. Then, Jaebeom gazes beyond the knitwear, to the bookshelf just behind it. It's positioned against the wall. It is overflowing. Filled to the brim with novels, collections of poetry, and a carefully curated selection of non-fiction. 

No one else reads, not as much as Jaebeom and Jinyoung do so, in a way, that bookshelf is _theirs_. It's their tastes mixed together. It’s everything they’ve read since they've known each other, it’s every single book they've shared, it's every single book they’ve talked about at two in the morning like excitable children. And it’s right there, in the living room, where anyone can see it. But no one else will understand the way it's making Jaebeom feel right now. It's like a diary, a meaningful manifestation of his connection with Jinyoung; it’s a physical reminder of their journey so far. 

'Hyung?' Jinyoung asks, placing a warm hand on his leader’s arm. 'Are you feeling okay?' 

'Huh?' Jaebeom asks dumbly. He shakes his head, to cast away the distraction of his own whirling thoughts. 'Oh, yeah. I'm fine, Nyoungie.' 

'I don't have to strip,' Jinyoung says with a shy laugh, the tips of his ears are bright red. To a trained eye, he seems unsure. 'It was just an idea; I don't even know where it came from, really.' 

Jaebeom smiles fondly at him, bringing a hand up to cup the back of his friend's neck. 'But I'm looking forward to it now.'

'You are?' Jinyoung smiles and Jaebeom hums, pulling his hand away, so he can drag it across Jinyoung's wonderful chest and rest it over his heart. 

'Of course, I am,' the leader says easily, his confidence surging suddenly. 'It's not every day a beautiful man offers to take his clothes off for me.' 

'It… could be? If we both like it,' Jinyoung says quietly and Bambam gasps dramatically. 

Jaebeom flicks his gaze over to the sofa. Bambam is watching them both like he watches those Kdramas that he loves. With commitment, and hope, and longing. His eyes are wide and hopeful as he looks between them. Jaebeom is tempted to get lost in the dream of it, too. 

'Don't get ahead of yourself. Let's find out if you're any good at this first,' Jaebeom laughs, and Jinyoung rolls his eyes.

'Just you wait, I'm gonna blow your mind,' Jinyoung says, moving his hands up to either side of Jaebeom’s head and moving them away again, mimicking an impressive explosion. 

Jaebeom’s smile is so wide his gums are showing. He shivers. Jinyoung frowns, 'Are you cold, hyung?' 

'Maybe, a little bit,' Jaebeom shrugs, and Jinyoung moves away from him. He strides over to the chair and grabs his cosy cardigan, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Then, he's back in front of Jaebeom, and he's holding it out by the shoulders, so Jaebeom can slip his arms into the sleeves easily. 

It's so _warm_. It feels so safe. As soon as it's over his shoulders, Jaebeom feels the benefit of it. But, better than that, is the scent it carries. A hint of cologne lingers in the knitted fibres. Without thinking, Jaebeom lifts the sleeve to his nose and inhales. It smells gorgeous. It smells just like Jinyoung. 

'Do you want to sit down?' Jinyoung asks, rubbing his hands down his hyung's arms. 

When he gets to his hands, Jinyoung entwines their fingers, 'I want you to be comfortable for the show.' 

‘Is it the best seat in the house?’ Jaebeom teases and Jinyoung nods. 

‘Of course it is, only the best for the best,’ he offers cheesily and Jaebeom blushes.

'Okay,' Jaebeom agrees, watching Jinyoung as he fetches the chair and sets it down in front of the pink mat. 

He guides Jaebeom over and waits until he's settled before he pulls away. Jaebeom feels the power shift between them. Jinyoung is looming over him; he suddenly seems so big, and powerful, and sure - it’s comforting.

'Is there anything you want me to do, or is there anything you want me to avoid doing?' Jinyoung asks seriously, and Jaebeom shakes his head instinctively. Then, he jolts a little, like he's thought of something but he doesn't want to say it out loud. 

'What is it?' Jinyoung asks attentively, his voice filled with that familiar warmth. 'You know you can tell me, even if you think it's weird. Especially if it’s something I shouldn’t be doing, hyung.' 

'It doesn't matter,' Jaebeom says dismissively, with a wave of his hand. 'It's nothing like that; it's nothing important.' 

‘Jaebeomie-hyung, just tell-’

'It's the books, isn't it?' Mark interjects, and Jinyoung turns to look at their eldest member with his eyebrows raised. _The books?_ That confuses Jinyoung, but when he sees the blush deepening on Jaebeom's cheeks, he knows that Mark is right. 

'You kinda…' Jaebeom struggles, closing his eyes, as if that will lessen the blow. 'You kinda look like a hot librarian, Nyoungie.' 

'Oh,' Jinyoung says, he looks a little flustered. He clearly hadn’t expected that. _'Oh_! Do you want me to play with that a little? Do you want me to use the books?' 

'I guess… I do?' Jaebeom says a little awkwardly. 'I really haven't thought it through. It just seems kinda... _hot_.' 

'Okay,' Jinyoung says quickly, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Jaebeom's dick twitches. 'Give me a second. Get yourself nice and comfortable; I’ve got this.' 

Jaebeom takes a deep, a steadying breath; he’s a little embarrassed. He’s _more_ than a little embarrassed. Mainly because everyone is watching him. He knows the maknaes are never going to let this go. He can only imagine the kind of teasing he's going to have to endure. The running jokes. The laughs at his expense. He thinks it might be bad; affectionate, but bad. Still, despite his sudden fears, all of his anxieties fade away as soon as Jinyoung is back in front of him, a book in his hand. 

He just stands there for a moment, silent, as he flicks through a few pages. Then he hums to himself and starts reading, his brow furrowed deeply in concentration. He really is reading, Jaebeom has seen him read enough to know that he’s not pretending. Jaebeom feels the blood rush down to his cock. His heart flutters in his chest. Is he meant to be getting _hard_ from something like this? 

‘Oh,’ Jinyoung exclaims coyly, looking straight at Jaebeom. ‘I didn’t see you sitting there. Do you need help finding something, sir? The library is pretty _big_ , and the shelves are really _long_ , I wouldn’t want you getting lost in here.’

‘Y-yes,’ Jaebeom says, flustered. 'Please. I mean, yes, please. Help. Thanks. Thank you.' 

Youngjae snorts from the sofa and says, ‘It looks like he needs all the help he can get.’

Jinyoung smiles brightly at the observation, suppressing a laugh as he continues, ‘Well, what can I help you find, handsome? Have you been here before?’

‘N-no, I haven’t, I don't really get out much,’ Jaebeom confesses and Jackson forces back a weighty groan. Only Jaebeom would construct a reclusive, hermit-like sex persona.

‘That’s okay,’ Jinyoung says softly, running his fingers down the spine of the book he's holding slowly. ‘I’ll take very good care of you. What’s your name?’

‘Jaebeom,’ the leader says shyly, shifting in his seat.

‘I’m glad you came here today, Jaebeom-ssi. I’m Park Jinyoung. Would you like a personal recommendation, or has some lucky book already caught your eye?’ Jinyoung asks, like being a Flirty Handsome Librarian really is his day job.

‘Yes,’ Jaebeom says dumbly, without thinking, humiliation pulses through him. He runs the sleeve of Jinyoung’s cardigan over his face roughly. ‘I-I, I mean… ugh, why am I so _bad_ at this?'

‘No,’ Jinyoung says lightly. ‘Don’t worry, it’s okay, hyung. You’re doing well. You're doing _really_ well. And look at you, you’re so cute, blushing in my library! You're so precious; it’s distracting me. You know, it's such a shame that I have so many books to organise today. It's unfortunate that I have so many things to index and return. I _really_ could look at you until we close. Or, I guess, I could sit right there, on your lap, and hold you close. And I could whisper poetry into your ear until the sun comes back up again.' 

‘I want you to do that,’ Jaebeom says, as he wets his lips. 'I really _want_ that.'

‘Yeah?’

'Yeah,' Jaebeom nods. 'Please, show me everything you have.' 

'Everything?' Jinyoung teases unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt, the book he's been holding is wedged under his arm. 

'Yes,' Jaebeom says, his eyes wide as Jinyoung walks towards him. He gestures briefly at Jaebeom's lap before he sits down on it, their semi-hard dicks pressing together. 

Jaebeom groans, his head rolling back. Jinyoung wraps his arms around his hyungs neck. Supportive, close, sensual. 

‘Can I kiss you?' Jinyoung asks. His answer is Jaebeom leaning in and pressing their mouths together.

They kiss for a long time - exploring, teasing, pressing. Heat is starting to radiate outwards from Jaebeom's core. It feels so good. Kissing Jinyoung _always_ feels so good, and so right. 

Jaebeom could keep going; he could get himself lost at Jinyoung's lips. In the library that is him. But the others are impatient; they’ve been promised a striptease. The persistent, slow kissing is causing delays. Yugyeom clears his throat and says, 'Do I have time to make myself a snack, or..?' 

Jaebeom can feel Jinyoung's mouth smile against him. 

'Hyung, is having a nice time,' Jinyoung says, and Jaebeom nods. He's not sure if Jinyoung is referring to him or himself. It's true, either way. 'But, I suppose, I can take my clothes off now. Before your belly starts rumbling and throws me off my game.' 

'Thanks, hyung,' Yugyeom smiles sweetly and Jaebeom snorts. 

'Take your time,' Jaebeom assures Jinyoung, his hands moving to his waist. 'He's being a brat.' 

'It's alright, I'm ready,' Jinyoung says and he pushes himself off Jaebeom, leaving his book on the leader's lap. For the first time, Jaebeom recognises it. _Norwegian Wood._ It's one of his favourite books. Jaebeom wants to kiss Jinyoung again. He wants to ask him to come back to his lap. He wants to feel the weight of him against his body. 

When Jaebeom looks up, Jinyoung is smiling down at him, as his fingers work open his shirt buttons, his body is swaying lightly. He's moving to a rhythm that no one else can hear. Jaebeom focuses on his friend's nimble hands, on the expanding slither of Jinyoung's chest that he can see, his knuckles are turning white as he grips the paperback. 

Jinyoung moves a hand to his chest, strokes it across the broad expanse. Jaebeom is entranced as he watches Jinyoung touch himself. Light and even. 

His eyes follow Jinyoung's hand, as it slides down his beautiful body, the very tips of his fingers slipping into his waistband. Jinyoung smirks and turns around; he lets his shirt slip off his gorgeous shoulders, the fabric gathering at his elbows. He's still swaying softly, as he reveals the strength of his back to Jaebeom. He's facing the sofa now. Youngjae lets out a satisfied, muffled groan. 

Building his momentum, Jinyoung sinks his body down a little, so he can circle his hips in the air. Jaebeom smiles, the kids will definitely be enjoying this. Still, they're not the ones who have an eye full of Jinyoung's perfect, peachy butt. They can't see the way it moves and grinds as he softly fucks the air. That's for Jaebeom. That's for him. It could be for Mark too, realistically, but Jaebeom doesn't want to look away to note how their eldest is taking everything. He's too caught up in _not_ coming. In not emptying his balls too soon. 

'Hyung,' Jinyoung says, his breath catching a little as he moves, a hint of vulnerability lingering in his eyes. 'Am I doing okay?' 

'Yes, baby,' Jaebeom offers with quiet confidence. 'You're perfect. My body is aching for you, aching for your pretty cock.' 

_'Fuck_ , that's so hot,' Bambam whispers. 

Behind Jinyoung, Jaebeom can see that the rapper has a hand wrapped around his own cock. His strokes are slow and teasing as he works himself up. The tip of his dick is flushed with blood. 

Jinyoung stops grinding down against the air; instead, he turns around and pulls his shirt off. Now topless, he moves his hands down his body, into his trousers. He makes a show of unbuttoning them, smirking at Jaebeom like he holds all the keys to the kingdom. And he _does_. He has free reign. He can do what he wants, tease how he wants, strip how he wants, fuck Jaebeom how he wants. 

Jaebeom is sure he'd do just about _anything_ at this point. Not because he's too far gone, or too caught up in his head, but because he _desires_ Jinyoung so much. It burns inside him. Jaebeom wants to please him; he wants to be pleased; he wants to let their bodies quake as they come together. 

Jinyoung slips a hand into his own trousers and languidly caresses his cock. Jaebeom looks at him in awe, there's drool pooling in his mouth as he watches Jinyoung's dick grow from the attention. The outline of his manhood is crystal when he pulls his hand away. 

Jinyoung makes his way towards Jaebeom again; he closes the small gap between them easily. He reaches out for Jaebeom's hand and takes it in his own - his palms are so warm. He guides his leader's fingers down to his crotch. Then, he lets go, so Jaebeom's hand hovers, giving him a chance to move away if he wants to. He doesn't. He looks up at Jinyoung through his dark eyelashes; his eyes are heavy with want and need. Jinyoung smiles down at him, 'Can you help me?' 

Jaebeom nods, he lets his fingers unzip Jinyoung. Careful not to press against the thick jut of his friend's cock. 

His mouth is watering. He wants Jinyoung's big dick to choke him. He wants it to cut off his air supply, just like it has in the past. But those thoughts are only flickers, barely processing, as he watches Jinyoung pull his trousers and boxers off in one swoop. It seems he's growing restless, too. 

Despite being naked, exposed to everyone in the room, Jinyoung seems entirely at home. He seems confident and in control as he runs his hands all over his own body. 

His long fingers follow his happy trail down, down from his belly button, to the thick base of his cock. He presses his fingers down and groans. Jaebeom can feel his own cock pressing against the paperback he's holding. He's so hard; he’s itching to do _something_. 

'Nyoungie, please,' Jaebeom whines. He's desperate in a way that makes everyone in the room feel hot. 'I need you.' 

'You're tired of teasing?' Jinyoung says, wrapping his hand around himself, he strokes himself until he's hard. 'Me too. I want you so much.' 

'Look, you already have me,' Jaebeom promises, as he pulls the book away from his crotch and wraps his free hand around his dick. He tugs at his length, adding and withdrawing pressure, he matches Jinyoung's pace perfectly. 'Please, take me. I want to feel you. I want to feel you deep inside of me.' 

Jinyoung pulls his hand away. His cock bobs uselessly in the air. Jaebeom gulps. He lets Jinyoung take his hand; he doesn't ask questions as the other pulls him up from the chair. He thinks Jinyoung is going to lay him down on the rug and devour him. He aches for it. Gapes for it. Yearns for it. 

Instead, Jinyoung tugs him towards the wall. Bringing him to a stop, in front of their bulging bookcase. Jaebeom's knees go weak. He feels Jinyoung's hands at his elbows. He feels him press against him. He feels his warm breath against his neck, as Jinyoung says, 'Do you have the energy to stand here? It's okay if you don't, there'll be other times for us to try this.' 

'I can do it,' Jaebeom says quietly, shivering as Jinyoung presses against him, pushing him flush against the bookcase. He pulls Jaebeom's arms up, one by one, presses his hands against his leader's wrists, so Jaebeom knows to stay right there. His arms raised and stretched out to the sides. _Norwegian Wood_ is still gripped tightly in his right hand.

'Are you okay to keep the cardigan on?' Jinyoung asks, moving his hands to press them against Jaebeom's slight hips. 

'Yeah,' Jaebeom says, as he presses his hips backwards. He can feel Jinyoung - hard and warm against the curve of his ass. 

'Good,' Jinyoung whispers against his ear, his tone is hot and dripping with want. 'I like seeing you in my clothes.' 

Jinyoung moves a hand down to the cheek of his ass, sliding his fingers under the cardigan, so he can feel and knead the flesh there. Jaebeom bucks his hips. 

'You're so beautiful,' Jinyoung says, the side of his face pressed against Jaebeom's back. 

Jinyoung moves his fingers, presses them between Jaebeom's soft ass cheeks, and slides them down to his rim. Jaebeom shudders, forcing himself to maintain his position as Jinyoung uses his foot to tap his legs apart gently. Jaebeom widens his stance. 

Jinyoung caresses his swollen entrance. His come-wet hole is used and ready for more. Jaebeom relaxes his body, he lets Jinyoung's gentle pressure be enough to open him up. The sensation of Jinyoung's finger sliding inside of him makes him crazy. He feels so intensely that he wants to scream. 

'You're already ready for my cock, aren't you?' Jinyoung asks, mischief dancing in his voice. 'My special boy.'

'Please, Nyoungie, I-' Jaebeom starts earnestly but, before he can finish, Jinyoung has pulled his finger out and shoved his thick cock in. Jaebeom lets out a sharp hiss. Not because it hurts, but because he's still reeling from that split second when he felt so _empty_. 

'Fuck, Jinyoung,' Jaebeom whines. 'Oh, _fuck_!' 

The man in question pulls back, so only the plump tip of his cock is nestled in his hyung's heat. Then, he pushes forward again, the bookcase swaying as Jaebeom whines. 

Jinyoung is so deep inside of him. Jaebeom has always thought it was stupid, how people talk about good dicks rearranging their guts. But, right now, Jaebeom thinks Jinyoung could reshape his entire existence. 

'Do you want me to fuck you?' Jinyoung asks, his voice tinged with lust. Jaebeom nods, his head dipped down onto his shoulder. 

'Say it,' Jinyoung presses, still kind. 

'Please, fuck me,' Jaebeom whines, his eyes closing briefly. 'Please, ram your big, beautiful cock into me.' 

_'Fuck_ ,' Jackson hisses from behind them. 

'Like this?' Jinyoung asks before he withdraws and slams back into his hyung, a book stutters off a shelf and falls to the ground. Jaebeom's body clenches, his walls suffocating Jinyoung's manhood. 

'Or like this?' Jinyoung adds, pressing in slowly. Jaebeom can feel the head of his cock as it slides all the way into him. His hips roll back. It's so much. It's so _good_. 

'Just like that,' Jaebeom says. It's no secret, he enjoys being fucked hard. He likes the brutal force; he gets off on the way their bodies collide in the frenzy. But, more than that, he likes to _feel_ it all. Every nudge, every bump, every jut of Jinyoung's cock. 'Please, go slow. Thank you.' 

Jinyoung leans in, kisses Jaebeom's broad shoulders through his cardigan. 'You're so well mannered. Your parents must be so proud of you.' 

Jaebeom whines. He can't think of his _parents_ when Jinyoung is sliding in and out of him at a gloriously torturous pace. 

'I bet you make them proud every single day,' Jinyoung smiles, reaching up to encircle Jaebeom's wrists. 'Just like you make us proud every single day.' 

'Jinyoung, I-' 

'Just take it,' Jinyoung huffs hotly against the back of his neck. 'Take the compliments you deserve. Take them as gracefully as you're taking my cock. As gracefully as you took the cocks of our friends. Take it like you were born to be praised and born to be worshipped. Like you're our god, and it's a sin for us not to say and do these things for you.'

'O-okay,' Jaebeom moans, as Jinyoung picks up his pace a little. 'Okay, Nyoungie.' 

'Good boy,' Jinyoung says, littering kisses across his hyungs neck and shoulders. 'You're such a good, strong boy for me, aren't you?' 

'Yes,' Jaebeom whispers, his fingers tightening around the paperback in his grip. 'I'm good.' 

'Yes, you are,' Jinyoung says, angling himself so he brushes against Jaebeom's prostate. 'And good people deserve good things.' 

'I deserve good things,' Jaebeom offers without thinking and Jinyoung moans behind him, his hips jerking. 

'Yes, you do,' he says, as he kisses, and fucks, and whines. 'You do, sweetheart.' 

' _This_ is a good thing,' Jaebeom says, and his eyes are filling up with tears again. 

Jinyoung purposefully fucks against his prostate. His body starts shaking. His stomach starts quivering. He wants Jinyoung's warm come. He wants it deep in his guts. He wants it to mix with the come of their closest friends, of their family, inside him. 

'You're so good, you're _so_ good,' Jinyoung begins to chant, as he feels himself reaching his climax. The words are falling out of him like a prayer whispered in a temple. 

'Please, give me your come,' Jaebeom asks, knowing those words will get Jinyoung closer. 'I need your come.'

 _'Fuck_ ,' Jinyoung whines, as he pounds into Jaebeom. The leader can feel it, the tension in Jinyoung's hips as he tries to keep it slow and steady. He's restraining himself, but he doesn't need to, it's okay. It feels good. It _always_ feels good. And Jaebeom deserves good, in all its forms. In this moment, he sees that with clarity. 

'It's okay, Nyoungie,' Jaebeom confirms, as he himself starts to come. His teeth gritting tightly, as he clenches around Jinyoung. 'Go as hard as you need to.' 

Jinyoung whines and thrusts into him, the sound of their bodies muted by Jinyoung's thick cardigan. He moans, loud and low, as his hips stutter and he spills into Jaebeom's needy open body. 

Jinyoung pulls both of their arms down and wraps Jaebeom in a warm embrace. _Norwegian Wood_ slips out of Jaebeom's hand and hits the floor with a thud of finality. 

'Thank you,' Jinyoung whispers, as he holds his sweet hyung close to him. 'Thank you, for trusting me to take care of you, baby.' 

Slowly, as he regains himself, Jinyoung pulls out of his leader. Jaebeom spins around, and wraps his arms around Jinyoung. He squeezes him tight. Like they haven't seen each other in a long time. 

*

Jaebeom is still feeling clingy. 

In the bathroom, he has his arms wrapped around Mark. The water fills the tub beside them, the steam warming the air around them, the sweet scent of rose and honey permeating the air. 

'Do you feel okay?' Mark asks, Jaebeom's head tucked beneath his chin.

'Yeah,' Jaebeom hums. 'I feel great.'

'And you're not hurting anywhere?' Mark asks. 'No pains or serious aches?' 

'No, nothing like that. I'm just a little tired,' Jaebeom yawns, honestly. 

'No wonder, you burnt a lot of calories today,' Mark teases and Jaebeom laughs. 

'I guess I did, hyung,' Jaebeom says and Mark holds him tighter. Until the water is turned off and Mark helps Jaebeom strip off Jinyoung's cardigan, climb in, and settle down. 

Bubbles cover the entire surface of the water, and all of Jaebeom is submerged, except for his face. 

'I learned something today, about the kids,' Mark says, as he sits down on the floor, beside the bath, folding his legs under himself. 

'Yeah?' 

'Yeah, I learned that they're all turning into good men,' Mark smiles, happy to be spending this precious time with Jaebeom. 'We're raising them well, considering the life we lead.' 

Jaebeom snorts at that. The burst of air from his nose sends a few bubbles flying. Mark catches one on his finger; he watches it until it bursts. 

'Raising them is a bit strong,' Jaebeom says, closing his eyes, a content smile plastered on his face. 'I think we're _surviving_ them.'

'Yeah,' Mark laughs. 'I think you're right. Our family is a bit of a mess, huh?' 

'Yeah,' Jaebeom sighs happily. 'But they're ours. So, we love them anyway. Most of the time.' 

'Like today?' Mark asks playfully.

'Like today.'

'And tomorrow?' 

'And tomorrow.' 


End file.
